It will never happen again - I PROMISE

 Listening to Jim Murphy repeatedly telling us that that Scottish Labour has changed makes me feel like I'm listening to a broken record. It's the broken record of a guilty man, the liar caught cheating, the wife beater saying "It will never happen again. I love you. Don't make me go. I LOVE you."

Like the faithful wife of an abuser, We've stayed too long. We've been loyal too long. We trusted you too many 'one more time's'. We've had our loyalty strained beyond breaking point. You've broken our hearts and betrayed our trust, not just once but over and over. You're a junkie addicted to power and the dealer's in Westminster. We've had all we can take and no amount of pleading will change that.

Like that abuser, you can't accept that we're going to walk. If you can persuade us just one more time to give you just one more chance then it will all be ok - for a while at least. As long as you get what you want then everything will be fine. Just the way it's always been, eh no? A change for a while at least until those urges begin to niggle again. Cold turkey in this unimportant wee Scotland before you start twitching and aching. How long before the sweats kick in and you can't resist any more. You know you NEED it. Is it fair that we deny it to  you. Isn't it our fault anyway? We MADE you that way. We've never given you what you truly want. It's our fault really that there's never been enough to satisfy you. We've never been that good to you. We're not enough for you. We've never loved you the way you deserved. Westminster is a sexier mistress, better dressed and with that undeniably heady scent of power. It's so... intoxicating. So addictive.

It's just not reasonable for us to expect that you should stay here is it?. Is it realistic of us to expect that we're your only love and your only focus? No - of course not. You've never promised that anyway. You never said you loved us or that you would stay forever. Yes, you made A VOW but it was never really about 'for richer, for poorer, until death do we part.' You only said you'd changed and you have. You said you'd made mistakes but you wouldn't make them again. You said you'd stopped listening but you'd realised that  and you'd changed. You're different now. Yes, if you stay and things do get better then we might give you our undying love. We might put you on a pedestal, make you First Minister and listen breathlessly to every utterance.

 You deserve nothing less after all.

But at the end of the day. We're just a wee wifey sitting in the kitchen making you your breakfast. We have weans to look after and washing to get done. And there's shopping to do. Not easy on our household budget when so much is out of our control. But we work hard to try and make it right. It's not glamorous work and it's taken its toll over the years. We were never supermodels. And we're no as young as we used to be that's true.

But we're still us Jim. We're just the same wee wifey we've always been. We need you. We need the things you promised and to be listened to. We need to be respected and we need you to put as much effort into this as we've done. There's so much to do and never enough time or money.

What's that Jim?

You say you've changed?

You say you're sorry?

What do you mean you can't do this any more?

What do you mean there's SOMEONE ELSE?

Oh Jim, I've met someone else too - and she's lovely: a great listener, we have so much in common, she makes me feel - important - like I haven't felt in years.

Your bags are packed and the divorce papers are in your jacket pocket.

Don't slam the door on your way out.


Porage anyone?